Well, nearly. In saying sorry for including the alleged monkey impersonator in their highlights package, Liverpool effectively played the part of one who apologises for their affair coming out in public, as opposed to the affair itself.
“We can confirm that footage was mistakenly included in the highlights package that appeared on the website. It should not have been included and we are sorry it happened. It was removed immediately when it was brought to our attention,” someone said. “Babe I didn’t want you to find out like this,” they didn’t.
An apology for the edit… not the racism. At last! Soho can move on.
Still, they’re new to this.
Now I know that’s a tad facetious, and I’m sure the club are legally prevented from passing judgement on the man in question due to ongoing proceedings, but the question remains: will the clip be reinstated if the fan in question is found innocent? I strongly doubt it… cos he ain’t.
“Someone’s come in and tickled him under the armpit,” Dalglish lied. “As it was a tickle from behind, whoever did it should have been ejected from the ground immediately – there’s no consistency any more.
“I’ll also say now that our fan was having his other arm pulled back [off screen], and therefore couldn’t scratch his itch with his other arm. The stewards were five metres away and they didn’t see it. What can you do? But at least the evidence is inconclusive.”
Fiction aside, King Kenny actually did say: “I don’t think there was anything there that was untoward.” Now admittedly a monarch is more than likely to have a fair idea of what’s going on in his kingdom – rumblings, dissatisfaction and the like – but it’s a confident one who passes comment on the behaviour of 45, 000 individuals, roughly 12, 000 of whom were directly behind him.
Dalglish wouldn’t be drawn on the news players intend to wear an image of the fan on t-shirts before their game with Wolves in mid-week, and their general sale via the club’s website. Rhetoric Director Ian Ayre defended the decision, which has been criticised in some quarters.
“This isn’t about profit, it’s about unity. This man will Never Walk Alone. We also over ordered on the last batch, and it seemed irresponsible to waste them.”
The error in the edit is just the latest misdemeanour in a colourful (excuse the misappropriation) season for Liverpool, who appear to have lost touch with reality on an unprecedented scale.
In addition to fans still plugging the “Kenny knows” mantra in light of the manifest awfulness of their summer transfer dealings, shirt manufacturer Adidas have now abandoned them; citing the weekly “brand damage” administered by Stewart Downing’s feet, the ignominy of the club taking the Carling Cup seriously, as well as demands wholly at odds with commercial reality.
Tragically, fans have been spared any sort of hubristic humbling by signing a deal for more money with naive American company Warrior Sports – the sort of regrettable moniker that will inevitably spawn hoards of dreadful advertising. God I can see it now, ‘Stevie’ and ‘Carra’ arm in arm in Viking getup, putting inane questions such as: “The Battle of Anfield: Who are you fighting for?!” to fans; there’ll be the ‘Warrior of the Week Award,’ presented by zero to hero Brazilian Lucas; and some self-conceited vox-pop ‘journalist’ asking players: ‘Who’s got the biggest weapon?’ – a cheeky double entendre guaranteeing hilarity due to foreign players ‘not getting it,’ and English ones ‘getting it’ (give Stevie a minute) – it’s just a bit of fun.
That should ensure the club’s odious self-awareness hardens itself yet further in the impressionable minds of the throng, who appear to have lost any semblance of morality.
One could question whether the lack of black players in the squad has been a contributing factor to the fans’ less than welcoming recent behaviour (not forgetting the Oldham/ Tom Adeyemi incident – it’s hard to keep up I know.)
As the Danish Daniel Agger put the Reds one up on Saturday, he was soon embraced by fan of Factor 50 Martin Skrtel of Slovenia, and whiter than white’s Andy Carroll. Now I’m not for a second insinuating some sort of intended purge was instigated by Dalglish, but if I – an enlightened, colour blind, come one come all, not to mention sanctimonious type – have noticed, I doubt it’s escaped the attention of the club’s more outspoken, inward-looking supporters.
The reason I mention this is that the less well-educated (is that still acceptable? If not, I apologise unreservedly for any offence you may have mistakenly taken from my intentionally inoffensive wording) supporters may choose to contrive from such an observation, the existence of a sort of ‘us and them’ ethos at the club, and subsequently a somewhat unfettered outlook on what is and what isn’t acceptable in behavioural terms.
Seemingly quiet lad in the corner Glen Johnson is the one player who challenges the Caucasian totality of the squad, and I can’t help but wonder whether he would have worn that t-shirt at Wigan had there been other black players in the squad, especially of a more stubborn and vocal nature.
Not that he should feel greater affront from racism than the white players of course, but it would have been interesting to see whether he had a slightly alternative view to the prevailing belief that ‘football’s bigger than racism’, and could perhaps have offered a much needed sense of balance and perspective.
Understand that I’m not for a minute saying the club should make a tokenistic gesture and buy in a black player to ‘get the numbers up’, merely observing that…
How people write about this sort of thing is beyond me; I’m sweating pints for fear of offending someone.